Positive Sarcasm Presents: "Welcome Mat"

Walking into a fabric store is not uncommon for me. I like to keep things relatively cheap. No reason to invade Homegoods for a ninety dollar foot stool that'll be stuck in the bathroom, covered in farticles for the duration of it's life. I've seen college students throw out entire department stores into the dumpster shortly after tossing their caps in the air and their beer cans onto the front lawn. I prefer a more frugal approach now that petrol is an average of 4 mortages per gallon. Joanne's Fabrics is the more secular version of the arts n' crafts stores. As the consumerism in me has been running hot lately, my wallet of common sense finally kicked in and calmly begain guiding me towards the exit...but not before my wandering eyes were left stairing at welcome mat...with pronouns on it. She/Her...He/Him...They/Them...The/Fuck?

And right on que, here comes the woke, flat-assed soccer mom with her adorable nose picking daughter.

“Honey. Look, this says She/Her, that's what I am. What are you? Are youuu a she/her? A They/Them? Which one are you?”

Hey Lady! I know exactly what you are, you stupid, weak, bitch! The kids 6 and full of boogers! When you had your ultrasound, did it turn into an argument with the nurse? Granted the nurse was prolly still full of cocaine and gut nut from the night before, but it doesn't it change the results on the fucking screen!

So I left the store. No fabric, no pillows, no footstool. I didn't record anything, I didn't make a scene. I just left behind a confused 6 year old girl and her stupid mother as she ponders how to make her weak husband's life even worse.

I should of known better and planned around the schedule of the Hobby Lobby where they take every Sunday off to go across town and protest in front of Planned Parenthood.

What happened to the good ole days when if a guy wanted some pussy, he didn't need to install it like a water filter. This is why gender and sex are usually connected for a reason. So I can move on with my fucking day and flow with the concept that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's not a dolphin. Never have I heard a flock of ducks go quack quack, with one bring up the rear goin “Uhhhh Huuuuuuh!” I'm not changing my game plan on biology, just because the chromesomes of some random tribe around India went a little sideways after an overconsumption of curry. It's peanut butter and jelly and soooommmetimes, very occassionally fluff! So don't be tossin your woke bullshit into my lunchtime.

So in conclusion, If you are to place a welcome mat at your front door, don't MAGA me or rape me with rainbows or that new stupid purple triangle one I see sprouting up at some at some garbage churches. You have two options for a mat at the front door: Welcome Home...or Bring a Warrant.